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Bryan Bostrom

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Bryan Bostrom


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The Vita-Mix Probably Cures Cancer But May Also Kill You

I just finished eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. But this wasn’t an ordinary PBJ. The peanut butter was fresh. I made it myself and it was the best peanut butter I’ve ever had.

You’re definitely wondering where I found the time to crush up all those peanuts and where someone gets a good recipe for peanut butter. Okay, here’s what you need: peanuts and a Vita-Mix 5000.

I know what you’re thinking now. How do you turn hard crunchy peanuts into a spreadable creamy butter with a blender? Well, two things: (1) Please don’t say “blender,” and (2) I don’t know either. I have two theories though. One is that the Vita-Mix actually sucks healthy oils out of the air and churns them into the mix. The other is that the Vita-Mix’s blades spin so fast that they will turn anything into anything-butter. Anyone for a turkey sandwich with mustard and a little bit of titanium spread? Think of all the healthy minerals in that hoagie!

Now let me explain the complicated instructions. Pour the peanuts in the bulletproof polycarbonate container. Turn on the Vita-Mix. Walk away. Come back in three minutes. Use a spatula to scoop your fresh peanut butter out of the Vita-Mix. Now begin the long process of cleaning the Vita-Mix... Come On! Have you ever even used a Vita-Mix? It cleans itself! Actually, in this picture, it is cleaning itself! People think that babies are sooooo dang wonderful. Show me a baby that can turn a 2x4 to dust in seconds and then give itself a bath. Fill the Vita-Mix two-thirds full of water and put a couple drops of dish soap in it. Run it for a minute, empty and rinse.

To anyone who’s ever called the Vita-Mix “a four hundred dollar blender,” pshhhh! Please try any of this in a blender and let me know how it goes. When you call me, have your credit card handy because we’re gonna make a conference call to the Vita-Mix Corp in West Chester.

Now some people think that making your own peanut butter is a no-brainer. No additives or preservatives, better taste, add thirty years to your life, blah, blah, blah. But there is risk involved with everything. Every time I get those stainless steel blades moving at a two hundred and twenty miles per hour, I wonder if this will be the day it happens. Eventually those razor-sharp stainless steel blades that never need to be sharpened are going to catch an atom just right. In the off-chances the bulletproof container cannot contain the atomic explosion, and my very healthy body which the Vita-Mix has created cannot fight the radiation, I will die. But life’s a gamble.

If I don’t make it, I want you to have my Vita-Mix. Its 7-Year warranty covers the container of course. All I ask is that you pour a delicious fresh fruit smoothie over my grave each summer.

Bryan and Carrie's Nevada Thanksgiving

For Thanksgiving I went with Carrie, her parents, and her older brother to a tiny little mining town in middle-of-nowhere Nevada. Carrie has grandparents and a couple of aunts, cousins, and uncles out there, a few of whom work for the Cortez gold mine. It was a very memorable Thanksgiving. We helped her Uncle John build a hugenormous metal garage.



I rode a horse. Yes, Jeremy, it was as awkward as you're imagining. The horse's name was Mack, and I DID get it to canter (run), so I felt pretty good about that. The people out there in Crescent Valley live an interesting lifestyle. Carrie's aunts and uncles work at the mine and make crazy good money but they can't build a house because once the mine is abandoned they will have to move and no one will want to buy the house. There are a couple of little bars and one tiny run-down convenience store and if you need anything besides beer, milk, or potato chips, you've got to drive forty minutes to Elko. So everyone out there lives in mobile homes. Some people live without water or electricity! With no house payment to make, Carrie's uncles have lots of toys. Her Uncle John has a few nice trucks, a Corvette, a Prowler, and a sweet Kubota tractor. Her cousin Robert has a huge truck with all sorts of computerized guages and a crazy sound system. And of course they've got 4-Wheelers, motorcycles, snowmobile... toys, toys, toys! Maybe I want to live in Crescent Valley! Seriously... the mobile homes were NICE inside! These weren't like the trailers I went into on my mission in Kentucky. Being out in the middle of nowhere, you could see nothingness for miles and miles.



On Saturday we went exploring up in the hills. There are abandoned mine shafts and homes everywhere. You can also find Indian arrowheads and chinese coins and stuff. This mine shaft went straight down into the ground. Carrie's brother threw a couple rocks down into them and we never heard them hit bottom!



Carrie's family was a lot of fun. I haven't mentioned yet that we ate like kings the whole time. Care has some amazing cooks in her family. Her grandma made like a million pies, her grandpa makes amazing pancakes, and I didn't have ANYTHING that didn't taste amazing. Carrie and I had an awesome time together and I won't forget this Thanksgiving.

I Want to Play!

Hey Friends,

I was Google'ing my own name and it showed up in one of Jeremy's blog entries. I laughed so hard when I read his "100 Things About Me" entry that I decided I had to join the blogger community. Also, my mom has a blog now and what guy is going to let his own mother out-techno him? Not this guy! So... I don't have much to write about right now but I'm sure I can drop a few lines from time to time. Outtie.